When an alienating parent hides information about the targeted parent’s illnesses or misfortunes, it’s often a deliberate attempt to prevent the child from feeling sympathy or emotional connection toward the targeted parent. This behavior manipulates the child’s perception by depriving them of the opportunity to understand or empathize with the targeted parent. Below are examples of how an alienating parent might engage in this behavior:
1. Withholding Information About the Targeted Parent’s Illness
• Downplaying Serious Conditions:
• The alienating parent minimizes or completely hides the targeted parent’s health issues.
• Example: “Your mom/dad is fine; they’re just being dramatic.”
• Reality: The targeted parent is battling a chronic or serious illness like cancer or a disability.
• Avoiding Discussions:
• The alienating parent intentionally avoids conversations about the targeted parent’s illness.
• Example: The child asks, “Why is Dad/Mom in the hospital?” and the alienating parent replies: “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”
• Lying About the Illness:
• The alienating parent actively misrepresents the situation to the child.
• Example: “Your dad isn’t sick; he’s just being lazy and making excuses for not seeing you.”
2. Hiding Financial Misfortunes
• Not Explaining Financial Hardship:
• The alienating parent hides the fact that the targeted parent is struggling financially, making it harder for the child to understand why they can’t afford certain things.
• Example: “Your mom just doesn’t want to buy you nice things, but I do.”
• Reality: The targeted parent is dealing with
unemployment or debt due to medical bills.
• Blaming the Targeted Parent:
• The alienating parent frames the financial hardship as a flaw in the targeted parent’s character rather than as a result of external circumstances.
• Example: “Your dad doesn’t work hard enough, so he can’t afford to take care of you.”
3. Preventing the Child from Offering Support
• Not Telling the Child About Difficult Situations:
• The alienating parent prevents the child from knowing about times when the targeted parent could use emotional support.
• Example: The child is never informed that their parent is recovering from surgery or dealing with a family tragedy.
• Discouraging Sympathy:
• If the child finds out about the illness or misfortune, the alienating parent downplays its significance.
• Example: “Your mom is always trying to make people feel sorry for her. Don’t let her guilt you into anything.”
4. Turning Sympathy Into Judgment
• Blaming the Targeted Parent for Their Illness:
• The alienating parent shifts responsibility onto the targeted parent, framing their illness as a result of bad decisions.
• Example: “Your dad is sick because he never took care of himself. It’s his own fault.”
• Claiming the Targeted Parent is Manipulating the Child:
• The alienating parent accuses the targeted parent of exaggerating their situation to gain sympathy.
• Example: “Your mom is just pretending to be sick to get attention. Don’t let her fool you.”
5. Denying the Child Opportunities to Help
• Blocking Visits or Communication During Illness:
• The alienating parent prevents the child from seeing or speaking to the targeted parent during times of need.
• Example: “You don’t need to visit your dad in the hospital. It’ll just upset you.”
• Refusing to Pass on Messages:
• The alienating parent doesn’t tell the child when the targeted parent reaches out to share their situation.
• Example: The targeted parent texts: “Let [Child] know I’m having surgery next week.” The alienating parent never passes on the message.
6. Spinning the Narrative to Prevent Sympathy
• Focusing on Themselves:
• The alienating parent shifts the attention to their own struggles to keep the child from empathizing with the targeted parent.
• Example: “While your dad is sitting around sick, I’m the one doing everything for you.”
• Minimizing the Targeted Parent’s Struggles:
• The alienating parent undermines the significance of the targeted parent’s challenges.
• Example: “Your mom being sick doesn’t change anything—she wasn’t doing much for you anyway.”
7. Blocking Reconciliation or Emotional Bonds
• Using Guilt to Discourage Compassion:
• The alienating parent makes the child feel guilty for wanting to support the targeted parent.
• Example: “You’re going to visit your dad? After everything he’s done to us?”
• Refusing to Facilitate Visits:
• The alienating parent refuses to let the child visit or call during times of hardship.
• Example: “It’s too inconvenient for you to see your mom right now. We’ll visit later when it’s easier.” (But the visit never happens.)
8. Creating Distance Through Fear or Distrust
• Exaggerating the Illness to Create Fear:
• The alienating parent frames the targeted parent’s illness as something that makes them incapable of parenting.
• Example: “Your dad is too sick to take care of you properly. You’re better off with me.”
• Claiming the Illness is Dangerous:
• The alienating parent convinces the child that visiting the targeted parent might harm them.
• Example: “Your mom’s illness is contagious. It’s not safe for you to be around her right now.”
9. Emotional Manipulation to Undermine Sympathy
• Focusing on the Alienating Parent’s Sacrifices:
• The alienating parent highlights their own sacrifices while dismissing the targeted parent’s struggles.
• Example: “I’m the one who’s always here for you while your mom is off being sick.”
• Guilt-Tripping the Child for Feeling Sympathy:
• The alienating parent makes the child feel bad for wanting to support the targeted parent.
• Example: “After everything your dad has done to me, you still feel sorry for him?”
Key Takeaways
When an alienating parent hides or manipulates information about the targeted parent’s illnesses or misfortunes, they:
1. Prevent emotional connections by keeping the child unaware of struggles that could foster empathy.
2. Twist the narrative to cast the targeted parent as weak, selfish, or manipulative.
3. Use guilt and blame to discourage the child from showing sympathy or offering support.
Recognizing these tactics is essential for combating alienation and ensuring the child has the opportunity to form an authentic and compassionate relationship with both parents.
Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. For assistance, consult a qualified attorney or mental health professional.
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