In cases of parental alienation, court-appointed Guardians ad Litem (GALs) and counselors are often presented as neutral professionals whose job is to protect the child’s best interests. They are supposed to help mend fractured relationships, ensure fairness, and provide guidance for the court.
But in reality, many of these professionals do the opposite.
Instead of fostering a healthy parent-child relationship, they position themselves as the ultimate authority over communication, time, and even basic conversations between the child and their alienated parent. They make the child believe that the alienated parent has no real say in their life and that every interaction is something that must be approved, filtered, or controlled by the court’s so-called “experts.”
Rewriting the Power Dynamic: The Parent Is No Longer the Parent
One of the most damaging things these court-appointed professionals do is convince the child that their alienated parent no longer has authority, not over parenting decisions, not over communication, and sometimes, not even over simple conversations.
Instead of the child seeing their mother or father as a trusted and loving parent, they are taught to believe that:
• The GAL or therapist dictates what the parent can and cannot say.
• Any attempt by the parent to express love, correct misinformation, or tell their side of the story is “inappropriate” or “harmful.”
• The child is in control of whether they see or speak to their parent at all, and if they don’t want to, the other parent cannot do anything about it.
This power shift is devastating to the child’s perception of their alienated parent. They begin to see their parent as weak, powerless, or unimportant, because if their own parent had any real authority, why would they need permission to talk to them?
The “You Can’t Say That” Mentality
Court-appointed counselors and GALs frequently police the words and actions of alienated parents in ways that further entrench the alienation. Instead of helping the child rebuild a trusting relationship, they actively block or censor conversations that might actually bring healing.
For example:
• If a parent tries to reassure their child that they love them and never abandoned them, they might be told, “You can’t say that. That’s not productive to the process.”
• If a parent tries to explain that they fought for their child in court, they might be silenced with, “That’s putting the child in the middle.”
• If a parent expresses any frustration with the alienation or the unfairness of the system, the child is told, “See? This is why you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to.”
Meanwhile, the alienating parent faces zero scrutiny. The professionals rarely step in to tell them, “You can’t say that”, even when they openly badmouth the other parent, restrict visitation, or outright lie to the child.
Stripping a Parent’s Presence From Their Own Child’s Life
Many alienated parents also experience severe restrictions on their ability to communicate with their child, not just in person, but even through phone calls, text messages, or video chats. And these restrictions are often enforced by the very professionals who claim to be helping.
Some common tactics include:
• Forcing all communication to go through a court-appointed monitor, meaning the child never gets to hear from their parent naturally or casually.
• Limiting conversations to specific, pre-approved topics, as if parenting is a scripted event rather than a natural relationship.
• Allowing the child to refuse communication completely, without questioning why or helping them work through the emotions behind their reluctance.
• Placing absurd restrictions on visitation, such as only allowing time together in sterile, therapist-monitored environments where no real bonding can occur.
By making it clear that the GAL, therapist, or court has more control over the relationship than the parent does, they create a psychological barrier between the child and the alienated parent. Even if the parent is physically present, their authority, influence, and role in the child’s life have already been erased.
The Long-Term Damage: Conditioning the Child to Reject Their Parent
The worst part is that children internalize this power dynamic.
When they grow up hearing, “Your parent has no control over this, you do, and so do the professionals,” they start to believe it.
And if their alienated parent is the only one being micromanaged, restricted, and silenced while the other parent has complete freedom, the child assumes there must be a reason for that, that maybe the alienated parent really is untrustworthy, unstable, or bad.
Over time, the child loses respect for the alienated parent.
They may:
• Ignore calls or texts because they’ve been taught their parent has no right to contact them without permission.
• Resist spending time with them because they believe it’s optional, rather than necessary for a healthy parent-child relationship.
• View their parent as weak or unimportant because they see the court system controlling them instead of letting them be a true parent.
What started as court-ordered “reunification” turns into court-enabled destruction of the relationship.
How Do We Stop This?
If the courts were truly looking out for children, they would do the opposite of what these GALs and counselors are doing.
Instead of conditioning children to see their parent as powerless, they should be:
1. Making it clear that BOTH parents are equally important and have authority in the child’s life.
2. Challenging alienating behaviors in BOTH parents, rather than reinforcing them.
3. Helping the child work through their emotions rather than using their resistance as an excuse to cut off the relationship.
4. Encouraging natural, unmonitored communication between the child and both parents.
5. Holding alienating parents accountable when they interfere with the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Instead, the current system rewards alienation, strips parents of their rights, and manipulates children into believing that losing a loving parent is normal.
And as long as court-appointed professionals continue to act as gatekeepers instead of facilitators, more and more children will grow up believing their alienated parent never really mattered at all.
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