In many family court cases where parental alienation is present, “reunification therapy” is not truly about rebuilding the bond between a child and the alienated parent. Instead, it becomes a grueling process of dismantling the web of lies that have been fed to the child, lies carefully constructed and reinforced by the alienating parent and, in many cases, by the court-appointed professionals themselves.
The System of Aligned “Professionals”
When family courts assign reunification therapy, it often comes hand-in-hand with court-appointed professionals who have long-standing relationships and frequently work together on cases. This includes Guardians ad Litem (GALs), attorneys, court-ordered therapists, and custody evaluators, many of whom are more aligned with each other than they are with the actual facts. Over time, these professionals begin to echo one another’s opinions, reinforcing their own biases until they become an accepted version of reality, regardless of whether it’s based in truth.
This is where the alienated parent faces one of their biggest battles. The opinions of these professionals often favor the custodial parent, who is more often than not the alienator. Why? Because the child, who has been manipulated over time, has already formed an alignment with the alienator. The professionals mistake this alignment for the child’s genuine feelings rather than the product of psychological coercion. Instead of questioning the origins of the child’s hostility, they take it at face value, cementing a cycle that keeps the alienated parent trapped in an uphill battle.
Therapy Becomes a Battlefield, Not a Healing Space
For an alienated parent, reunification therapy is not about healing, it’s about survival. Every session brings a new lie that must be debunked. The child, deeply enmeshed in the alienating parent’s narrative, enters therapy with preconceived beliefs that paint the alienated parent as untrustworthy, dangerous, or even abusive.
If the alienated parent is fortunate enough to work with a therapist who is not connected to the usual circle of court-appointed professionals, they may receive actual support in addressing these falsehoods. But even with a skilled therapist, progress is painstakingly slow. The parent spends each session dismantling lies, only for new ones to take their place by the next meeting. It becomes a cycle of deception and correction, with the alienated parent forced to repeatedly prove themselves innocent of accusations that were never rooted in reality to begin with.
In severe cases, alienated children lose their ability to think critically. They no longer question the alienating parent’s claims because they have been conditioned to believe that parent is always truthful and protective, while the alienated parent is deceptive and harmful. If the GAL or court-ordered therapist refuses to challenge these falsehoods, the child’s belief system remains unchallenged, further entrenching the alienation.
When Professionals Enable the Lies
One of the most dangerous aspects of reunification therapy is that court-appointed professionals often refuse to tell the child the truth, even when they know the child has been misled. Instead, they protect the false reality created by the alienating parent because they fear that if the child’s beliefs are shattered too quickly, it will cause emotional distress.
Instead of correcting the record, GALs and therapists will often tell the alienated parent that they need to “meet the child where they are”, which, in practice, means validating the child’s false beliefs. Alienated parents are even told to lie and say they “don’t remember” certain events correctly to appease the child’s perspective.
For example, a GAL might say:
“It’s not about winning, it’s about telling your child what they need to hear. Right now, they need to hear that you take responsibility and that you hear them.”
But what if what the child believes is completely false? What if the “responsibility” they want the alienated parent to take is for something that never happened? What if the child’s beliefs are entirely shaped by false narratives spread by the alienator and reinforced by the professionals?
By refusing to correct the child’s misconceptions, these professionals become complicit in the alienation. They leave the alienated parent fighting an unfair battle, one where telling the truth is called “gaslighting,” but catering to falsehoods is called “empathy.”
Alienated Children Lose the Ability to Think Critically
One of the most alarming consequences of parental alienation is the loss of critical thinking skills in children who are caught in the middle. A striking example comes from a case where a child was led to believe that their entire school was spreading malicious rumors about them.
The alienated parent, concerned, called the principal to investigate. The principal responded:
“That kind of gossip spreads like wildfire, and I haven’t heard a single word about it.”
To a rational mind, this would suggest that the rumors were not as widespread or serious as the alienating parent claimed. However, when the alienated parent relayed this to the child, the alienating parent twisted the narrative to make it seem as though the alienating parent was lying about what the principal said.
The child, fully immersed in the alienator’s version of reality, did not stop to consider:
• If the rumors were so widespread, wouldn’t the principal have known about them?
• Would a principal really sit on damaging information about a student without calling their parents?
• If the gossip were serious, wouldn’t the School Resource Officer, any of the teachers, or school counselors have been involved?
Instead of questioning the logic, the child believed the alienator’s claim without scrutiny, reinforcing the idea that the alienated parent was a liar.
This cycle of blind acceptance of falsehoods is what makes parental alienation so insidious. Once the child believes that only one parent is truthful, they no longer question anything that parent tells them, even when the information defies logic, contradicts evidence, or conflicts with their own lived experience.
Alienation Escalates to Isolation
In the most extreme cases, the alienating parent will use these manufactured crises to justify further isolation. The example above ended with the child being pulled out of school and moved to another state, breaking all connections to supportive relationships, including friends, teachers, extended family, and the alienated parent.
The alienating parent then uses the child’s distress, which they created, to justify even further alienation:
• “Too much damage has been don’t for you to return to that school.”
• “Your other parent didn’t believe you.”
• “You don’t have to deal with this anymore, we’re starting fresh.”
With each move, the child’s world becomes smaller, and the alienated parent’s control becomes absolute.
The Real Goal of Reunification Therapy Should Be Teaching Children to Think for Themselves
Reunification therapy should not be about appeasing falsehoods or protecting a child from uncomfortable truths. It should be about teaching the child critical thinking skills, giving them the tools to question what they’ve been told, evaluate evidence, and make informed decisions about their relationships.
The goal should be to restore trust, not just in the alienated parent, but in the child’s own ability to discern truth from manipulation. Without these skills, alienated children will continue the cycle, repeating the behaviors they were taught, whether in future relationships, friendships, or even with their own children.
The family court system has a duty to ensure that reunification therapy is not just a mechanism for covering up past deception. It must be a process that allows truth to surface, manipulation to be undone, and genuine healing to take place. Anything less is just another extension of the alienation itself.
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