Family courts and therapists often describe children as high-functioning, emotionally mature, and socially well-adjusted, until it comes time for them to see the parent they’ve been forcibly separated from.
Suddenly, that same capable, thriving child is portrayed as emotionally fragile, confused, or “not ready.” The narrative shifts. What was once praised as independence becomes a reason to delay reunification. Their voice is prioritized when it aligns with the status quo, but minimized when it expresses a desire, or even a need, for change.
This contradiction isn’t just frustrating. It’s a tactic. And it’s one many targeted parents recognize.
It often sounds like this:
• “She needs more support before seeing you.”
• “He isn’t ready for unsupervised time.”
• “We have to go slowly to rebuild trust.”
But what if that same child is excelling in school, managing a packed extracurricular schedule, forming and maintaining friendships, learning to drive, and even helping peers with emotional challenges of their own?
Why is that child only “not ready” when it comes to reestablishing a relationship with the alienated parent?
This contradiction reveals a deeper problem: the system often confuses emotional avoidance with emotional vulnerability. A child may avoid a parent, not because the parent is dangerous, but because they’ve been influenced, conditioned, or allowed to retreat rather than repair. And instead of addressing the root cause, professionals often support the retreat.
That’s not protection. It’s enabling.
Delaying parenting time under the guise of needing more “support” gives the alienating parent time to reinforce the distance. It allows the damage to deepen. And it sends the child a dangerous message: that healing is something to fear.
Children are not too fragile to love both parents. They are not too weak to hear apologies, resolve misunderstandings, or build bridges, especially when guided by healthy professionals. In fact, research shows that the longer a child is kept from a fit and loving parent, the more psychological harm they endure.
So when professionals say, “They’re doing great, but not ready for a relationship with their other parent,” ask the hard question:
Is that child truly incapable of reconnecting, or is the system enabling disconnection?
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